The Adventures of Princess Peach
by ryuzaki-will-live-on
Summary: Princess Peach,a man, journeys to find the magic mushroom located deep in Candy Mountain. Along the way he is bothered by his lover from back home Princess Daisy,a transvestite, and a ninja. Will he be able to reach the mushroom and keep his sanity?HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer : I don't own Mario Brothers**

It was a widely known fact that Princess Peach ruled over the Mushroom Kingdom. After his parents had been eaten by an angry mob of goombas, he had inherited the royal palace and all of the surrounding lands. Though he has grown both as a leader and person, his journey has not been easy.

When he first took over the throne, he had been teased by the royal families of the neighboring kingdoms, such as the Flower-Power Kingdom, ruled over by the cross-dressing "Princess" Daisy. Though that particular kingdom looked as if it were designed by the youth of the 1960s, and its ruler wore the entire spectrum of bright colors for dresses, "Princess" Daisy still harassed Princess Peach about his name.

For some unworldly reason, his parents had found it necessary to name him _Princess _Peach, instead of Prince Peach. It was even engraved on his birth certificate; Princess Peach would one day rule Mushroom Kingdom. It was rather ironic; truthfully, when foreigners would hear his name, they would automatically assume the image of a dainty blonde in pretty pink hues, being followed by many suitors, all infatuated with her beauty.

However, on the contrary, Princess Peach looked nothing like the clichéd princess image. He did have blonde hair, though its dirty shade hung in messy straggles against his neck; occasionally he'd pull it up into a loose pony-tail, though usually it simply hung lifelessly against his cheeks. His broad shoulders accented the pink on his black suit. The suit had been given as gift to him by "Princess" Daisy after one of their midnight rendezvous. Regardless, his intimidating build made him appear hulking and dangerous, like a cage fighter. His voice −a deep, gruff, raspy pedophile-ish rattle− scared most of the people who heard it uttered from his unpredictable lips. There was no way to avoid it: Princess Peach was one scary man.

The only person who never appeared to be frightened by Princess Peach's appearance and demeanor was "Princess" Daisy, his transvestite lover from the neighboring Flower-Power Kingdom. Though they always took special care to show nothing more than a platonic friendship in public, when they held their private meetings, a much deeper relationship than "just friends" ensued. It had taken awhile for Princess Peach to discover that his lovely Daisy wasn't a true woman, which suited him just fine; in fact, he liked it that way, not that he would ever admit it to the rest of Mushroom Kingdom. It seemed like a perfect match, two men who both appeared to be women to outsiders who knew nothing about them.

Therefore, since ascending the throne, Princess Peach has managed to gain a little more confidence in himself, both as a ruler, and as a man. He set himself about common royal tasks such as ordering about his army of koopas, dealing with the peasants' complaints about being fat plumbers, and so forth. It was a rather tedious job, and to be honest, he resented his parents just a bit for getting themselves eaten by that goomba mob and sticking him with this stupid responsibility.

One particular summer afternoon, Princess Peach found himself bored around his palace, tired of the dreary dullness that seemed to engulf him. Feeling like he could use some cheering up, he dialed Daisy's number. "Hello?" a voice answered on the opposite end of the receiver. Suspicion instantly seized Princess Peach. He did not recognize the voice that had answered the line; if he had called the main line, it would have made since for a random servant to answer, but he had called "Princess" Daisy's personal cell phone; he always personally answered when he called. This time, however, a strange man's voice was answering Daisy's phone instead. Something was up. "Hello?" the voice asked again, "Who is this?"

"Princess Peach," he grunted.

"Pete?"

"No! Peach! Princess Peach!" he roared, his gruff voice coming out in harsh irritation.

"I'm sorry, who? I don't know what you're saying," the mysterious voice continued.

"Princess Peach!" he shouted, his deep rasp coming off more menacingly than he had originally intended; however, this guy was really starting to make him angry. "The ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom! "Peach! Not Pete!"

"Pete?"

Princess Peach roared in frustration; this man was seriously pissing him off. "Give the phone to "Princess" Daisy!" he bellowed into the receiver.

"He's um… a little busy at the moment; can I take a message?"

Scowling, Princess Peach growled into the phone, "Tell him Princess Peach wanted to talk to him."

The mysterious voice complied, "Okay, I'll let him know Pete was looking for him, good bye." Seconds later, the line disconnected and left Peach alone staring in appalled silence at the phone receiver.

"Dirtbag," he spat loathsomely. Slamming the phone down on a coffee table, he stomped out of the room, retreating to his throne room to mope in isolation. After making his way to the secluded room, he collapsed into his throne chair, suddenly exhausted; being angry was a tiring task.

The silence helped to soothe him slightly; however, mere minutes after beginning to relax, a knock came from the door on the other side of the room. Timidly, the door inched open, allowing just enough room for the head to poke itself in. "Your Majesty?" Toad asked, his pansy voice barely making its way to Princess Peach's ears. "Your Majesty, forgive my intrusion, but a matter of great importance has just come up."

With an eye roll and an angry sigh, he waved his attendant in, "Come in, Toad." The mushroom man scurried up to the throne, bowing his head in honor.

"Your Majesty, we've gotten another clue to the location of the magic mushroom!" This caused the Princess's eyes to light up with interest; he urged his attendant onward. "You see, your Highness, one of the koopa scout groups returned with the knowledge that the magic mushroom is located in the deep peaks of Candy Mountain. However, there is a slight problem: It has been rumored that only royalty can enter the cavern that contains the magic mushroom…"

Princess Peach considered this newly acquired information for a moment. "Meaning that I would have to journey to this cavern in the mountains to retrieve the magic mushroom, correct?"

Toad nodded his head nervously, "That would be correct, Sire." He paused for a moment, "You can see, your Highness, why I'm nervous to tell you this information, despite your orders to inform you immediately if new information is uncovered. Our koopa would not be able to protect you in this cavern; who knows what type of evil lurks in its midst? Of course, I believe we'd be able to escort you to its entrance, but we would not be able to follow further…"

After a few more seconds of consideration−both about his excitement and need to locate the magic mushroom, as well as his current anger towards "Princess" Daisy− he waved off Toad. "Enough, I will make this journey; prepare a unit; we'll leave tomorrow at ten." With this, Princess Peach rose from his throne and left the room, leaving Toad to scurry about the room and make his own preparations.

As Princess Peach walked the halls towards his room, his mind wandered. Yes… this journey was exactly what he needed; he would be able to locate and retrieve the magic mushroom and be able to forget his anger towards a certain neighboring ruler. Yes… this trip was going to fix everything.

** A/N : All right... so I know that this story probably sounds really stupid and such... and to be honest, it probably is. The entire thing is inspired by this inside joke between my friends and I, all based off of a few prank phone calls.. so yeah, bear with me. ^_^ and yes, princess peach and daisy are both men... and in the next chapter, i'm bringing in Sasuke Uchiha from Naruto... who also has a weird fetish. It's about to get crazy all up in here. xD so please review and let me know how crazy and stupid my friends and i are... we'd appriciate it. ^_^ until next time. xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mario or Naruto characters. **

**A/N: First of all, if anyone is actually reading this... I question why. I'd like to take a second to say that this is deffinitely the most crack-ish story I've ever written. The reason why being that it's all based off a big inside joke with some friends that started with a couple of prank phone calls. I'm aware that the story is not written as well as the rest of my stories, mainly because I don't really care... Like I said, the point of the story is to make fun and expose one of many inside jokes between friends. So I hope you find some humor in it... and if you don't like it, I ask you to not think all of my writing is this... horrendous; it's not. That being said, I hope you enjoy the update. =)**

**Princess Peach's Point of View.**

Princess Peach made his way around the castle, making his final preparations for his journey. He would be leaving tomorrow morning and did not want to deal with any problems moments before they left; he was _not_ a morning person. Therefore, Peach made sure his clothes were packed, his servants and koopas knew their orders, and set his phones so that all calls would be instantly put through to his cell phone.

The only thing that was bothering Princess Peach was that he hadn't informed Daisy of his journey yet. He felt as though he owed it to his lover; however, the flamboyant ruler might have been cheating on him; did Daisy deserve to be informed if that is the case? Princess Peach signed, finally allowing himself to flop down against his soft bed after making all of his arrangements for the trip; dinner would be brought up soon. No sooner than his head hit the sympathetic mattress, the phone rang. A scowl formed immediately on his face at the disturbance; however, it quickly morphed into a look of surprised hope: That _must_ be Daisy, calling to explain that… inconvenience earlier. Deciding that he should give his lover a chance to explain, he dragged himself from the bed and over to the table that held his phone.

"'Princess' Daisy?"Peach asked almost timidly. "You have a lot of explaining to do! Who the hell was that who answered your phone earlier?"

There was only a second of a pause before the voice on the other end of the receiver replied. "No silly! Princess Peach, this is Sasuke Uchiha! You don't know me… but I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the gay bar with me; they have a special on drinks tonight!"

Princess Peach was completely flabbergasted. What the hell? Who the hell was this kid? "Sorry, Uchiha, was it? I am very busy; I don't have time for such idle distractions. Furthermore, I am not interested. Sorry." Blunt but concise – that was how you had to be around people like this.

"Princess Peach, you and I both know that you need something to get your mind off that whore; I'm the perfect opportunity! Let's go out tonight, you won't regret it." Princess Peach tensed for a moment. Whore? Was he talking about 'Princess' Daisy? How did he know about Daisy cheating on him? The thought to reconsider the offer wavered for a second, wondering if a night out with this Sasuke Uchiha kid would do him some good; however, and his initial decision won out.

"Sorry, Sasuke. Like I said, I'm very busy. Besides, I leave tomorrow; I need my beauty sleep, and don't have time to go to the bar with you."

"The _gay_ bar," Sasuke corrected. "Why are you leaving tomorrow? You could stay, and we could go to the gay bar tomorrow," he suggested.

Peach sighed, "I will be traveling to retrieve the magic mushroom."

"Can I come too?"

Peach made a face before replying over the phone, "No. You may not."

Sasuke whined, and Princess Peach managed to picture a little teenage boy crossing his arms and pulling his lips into a pout. "Why not!? I'm a ninja! I can help protect you, Princess Peach; you could rely on me to protect you, unlike that whore who doesn't appreciate you at all. You need me."

Princess Peach couldn't help but scoff. Really? Was this kid for real? He just never gives up, does he? "Sorry Sasuke, you may not come along, nor may you escort me to this bar of yours. I'm a very busy man; I haven't got all day. Good bye." Peach quickly clicked off the phone before the young ninja could try to change his mind again.

However, now that the line was disconnected, there were several tiny thoughts of doubt rolling around inside of his head. First, what did Sasuke know about Daisy being a whore and not caring about him? Was there information out there that he just wasn't aware of? Second, a night out _did_ sound appealing, especially if it meant that he wouldn't have to worry about Daisy being with another man, because he himself would be out with another man as company. Lastly, there was just something… refreshing about this Uchiha fellow. However, it was better that they did not meet; it would save them both a lot of trouble in the long run, Princess Peach was sure of it.

**Sasuke's Point of View.**

The phone disconnected to a dead dial tone. Great. He had been so close…. However, Sasuke would not allow himself to become distraught; he would win Princess Peach's affection; he had to. At least now he knew where Princess Peach was headed; Sasuke would be following, regardless of the explicit "no" he had received from Peach. With that thought in mind, Sasuke slipped his phone into his pocket and made his way to his bedroom, and began to pack his bag for the trip that would begin tomorrow morning.

**A/N: So yes, chapter two!! I'm aware that Sasuke is major OCish... and again, sorry. I generally don't like to do that to fanfiction characters... but the inside joke demands it of me. Please R&R, even if you were EXTREMELY confused, or hated it, or just whatever. ^_^ Until next time, Rhea. xo**


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